Adventures in Babysitting V - Toddler Wrangler

The signs that Jenna Grace might need a nap are not subtle.  It was mid-afternoon, and "a certain somebody” was getting crabby with her older sister.  I used this neutral language in describing the development to Sharon in a completely conversational tone on the mistaken assumption that Jenna (the certain somebody) would miss the fact that I was talking about her.  Her offense was a classic in the arsenal of Little Sister deeds that will drive a Big Sister crazy without of themselves warranting any reprisal.  In this case, JG was doggedly pursuing Kayla Zane wherever she went, walking exactly one pace behind, stopping when KZ stopped, and starting up again when Kayla moved without missing a beat.  When KZ would lay down with her Fairy Castle, not only would JG lay next to her, but right up against her.  This had been going on for about 15 minutes before the pattern became clear, and KZ was growing impatient.

This all took place during a Mama Sharon TV timeout so the girls were playing throughout the house, including the fort Sharon had built out of blankets and the dining room table.  The Girls were playing, I was sitting on the couch and everything was fine, right up until the moment it wasn’t.  KZ came and sat next to me.  JG sat next to her: right next to her.  KZ turned to me and in so many words demanded that something be done.  “What’s the problem?”  “She’s BOTHERING me.”  “Jenna, stop bothering your sister.”  In response, Jenna stood up on the couch, stepped over her sister and dropped herself into a non-existent space between me and KZ, smiled triumphantly and yelled “Hah!”  My left arm was now pinned under JG, as was half of Kayla.

Recognizing the signs, I extracted myself from the couch and trooped into the office to present the case to Mama Sharon, KZ and JG in lock step behind me.  Sharon listened to my brief explanation and matter-of-factly proclaimed "I think somebody needs to take a nap", looking directly at Jenna as she said it.  JG immediately began to protest, and not just protest, but to hurl slightly incomprehensible accusations complete with dramatic hand gestures in my direction, accompanied by many a dark look.

It occurred to me that Jenna had interpreted my earlier unwillingness to resolve the dispute between her and Kayla as a sign of weakness, and thus directed her invective against me instead of Mama Sharon, whose calm manner literally oozes Authority.  After several more seconds, the stream of vague and infantile profanity began to wind down, and her arms lowered to her sides.  That little dark cloud over her head remained, however, complimenting her furrowed brow and conveying her overall dissatisfaction with the present situation.

In the meantime, I had more or less backed her into the corner of the office, using the angles and my size to counter her incredible foot speed.  Sharon asked loudly "Papa Pete, do you want to take Jenna up for her nap?”, intending no doubt to transfer a bit of her authority to me.  I said why yes, yes I would, and perhaps we might even read a book, and extended my arms to JG.  Jenna's extremities retracted as dramatically as a pill bug, with nary a purchase for me to pick her up, willing or unwilling.

It's amazing how kids can do that.

At this point, KZ piped up and said "I'll do it, Papa Pete", and just like that, I was not only absolved of any responsibility, I was positively dismissed.  And not just dismissed, but with a minimum of words and facial expression made to understand that she had little  confidence in my ability to handle her little sister, even though she appreciated the effort.  I was still handy for carrying the reluctant toddler upstairs though, still drawn in like a pill bug, which forced me to carry her as one might carry a watermelon; a very heavy and uncooperative watermelon capable of shifting its center of gravity.  Once upstairs, I was allowed to stay long enough to witness Kayla tell Jenna that she should lay right next to her, and watch Jenna respond by collapsing directly on top of Kayla, who accepted this development with a cheerful indifference, stroking her little sister's hair.  I angled in for a kiss on top of JG’s head but got the kiss-off instead, her face turned resolutely away.  That was followed by another incomprehensible lecture from JG on what I assumed to be my many faults as a Toddler Wrangler.  KZ and I made eye contact, and her facial expression said “you don’t want to know”.

As I trudged down the stairs, I could not help but be a little bitter about the whole turn of events, what with my efforts to resolve the conflict that had begot this whole affair.  On the other hand, I had snitched JG out to Mama Sharon, a decision I regretted extremely.  The conclusion was upbeat, though, as a fresh-faced, rested and sunny if disheveled Jenna Grace came tottering down the steps two hours later, a huge smile on her face, high praise from Mama Sharon and the close attentions of her big sister.  And while there was no official recognition of Papa Pete, I was rewarded when the royal cheek was turned up in my direction for the expected kiss.

Hey, you take what you can get.