Adventures In Babysitting IV - Let’s Make A Deal

I’ve described various instances of the horse trading that goes on around meal time, and the Hensley Girls are naturals.  If there are different things to eat, there is a market, since some foods will just naturally be more desirable than others.  Case in point: a piece of cinnamon toast is worth an entire bowl of oatmeal, even if the oatmeal is loaded with brown sugar and cinnamon.  Everybody knows this.  And – as with past visits - Kayla Zane would make inquiries for both her sister and herself.
 
Thursday night after eating her meal, she asked for some of the pizza I had on my plate.  “You must negotiate”, I told her.  “What does that mean?” she asked.  “You need to give me a reason to give you food off my plate."  "Why?"  "Because you need to bring something to the table.”  “What table?” 
“When I say ‘bring something to the table’, that’s a figure of speech.”  “What is a figure of speech?” 
“Focus.  What I’m saying is that if you want something, you need to be prepared to give up something in return.”  “Like what?”  “Well, you want some pizza; in return for the pizza, you might offer me your dessert.”

This earned me a blank stare.  “OK, never mind; would you like some of my pizza?”  “Yes!”  “Am I safe in assuming Jenna’s wants some pizza?”  “Yes!”  “Mama Sharon, we need more pizza!”  Suffice to say, I didn’t think anything I said about negotiating made any impression on her. 

It’s Friday morning after breakfast and KZ sidles up to me as I sit on the couch, her manner reserved and modest.  She clasps her hands demurely at her waist, cocks her head ever so slightly, and says "Papa Pete, Jenna asked me to ask you something."  This approach was new, so she had my complete attention.  "What does she want?” I asked.  "Well", she said, "Jenna wants to know if we can watch 'My Little Pony' episodes on the computer."  What is interesting about this charming fib is not just that it is Kayla herself who is the unqualified lover of My Little Pony - capable of repeating the dialogue of whole episodes, not to mention providing a plot summary for seasons 1 through 5 - but that she qualified the request by vaguely referring to “episodes”.  In other words, she has laid the procedural groundwork to watch a My Little Pony marathon, assuming that I was not sharp enough to pin her down on what she meant by “episodes”.

Also, her contention that she was doing this on behalf of her little sister was the perfect closing tool: given the language barrier, it prevented me from drilling down on the particulars with Jenna Grace, put the burden of disappointing poor JG on me, and not coincidentally took Kayla Zane directly out of the accountability loop.

All in all, a masterful implementation of the Assumptive Close.  In Sales, the Assumptive Close presumes not only that the Buyer’s interests are being provided for, but that Buyer has already agreed to the particulars put forth by the Seller.  In essence, if you disagree with the Seller’s conclusion, you are obliged to argue with yourself.

I was completely hemmed in.  Yes, I could challenge her on any of the particulars, but any close scrutiny of those particulars would almost certainly cause KZ distress.  There might even be tears.  Now, here’s the thing about tears: in a Toddler, even I am mostly immune to them, given the ruthless disregard with which Toddler’s deploy them.  I have even been known to laugh at, say, JG’s tears, after first checking with Sharon and of course, never directly in Jenna’s presence.  It’s a different ballgame once they’re past age three though.  Men assume the tears are real from ages 4 to about 12, after which the tears are once again the province of gamesmanship.

Kayla Zane is five, and what kind of Hump would I be to provoke her tears?  And that is what made Kayla’s negotiating tactics so impressive.  She didn’t use the tears to get her way, even though she could have.  She had her tears completely in reserve; which brings us to Example Two of her negotiating skills, also Tear-free:

When the Girls come to visit, Kayla Zane pretty much calls the shots as to programming on the TV or the computer.  Jenna defers to her, and she makes good choices.  Otherwise a singularly undemanding child, on this visit as we watched television, KZ quickly grew impatient with my handling of the remote control.  It started out innocently enough.  As we would watch TV, very infrequently (or so I thought) I would pause the program to offer some commentary to amuse the girls, such as a brief recap as to how Sponge Bob Square Pants got his name.  Turns out they were not so much amused as they were bemused, and finally KZ declared "Papa Pete, please give me my remote control."  I asked her why it was "her" remote control.  "Because I picked this show."  She had me there; she had picked the show. 

But, I was in a bit of a quandary.  Nobody had ever demanded I turn over the remote before. What to do?  A moment’s introspection showed that my options were pretty limited: I could either hand over the remote, or argue with myself.  Dumfounded, I handed over the remote.  She said, "How do I unpause it?"  "Press that button", I said.  And, Technomorphs that kids are, she didn't ask another question about how to change the channel, adjust the volume, use the Back function, etc; she just figured it out.  A half hour later when Jenna Grace said "pause, Tayla, pause, I have to go to the bathroom", KZ stopped the show, and I came to the realization that my days of monopolizing the remote control in my own house were over.

Negotiations were also a whole new challenge: Kayla had two clear wins and hadn’t used tears once, but they were there.  Oh yes, they were there.