My Wife Has A Superpower

I'm a big fan of the TV show "Heroes". The premise of the show is that ordinary people have superpowers, ranging from telekinesis to mindreading to the ability to fly.

My wife Sharon has a superpower too. Let's call her Static Electricity Girl, Sparky for short. Sparky can shoot bolts of pure energy into other people as well as into inanimate objects, frequently over large distances. Her ability is not lethal, but the effects can range from mild discomfort to temporary paralysis.

She has rendered inoperable such things as cordless phones, laptops, TV remotes, and most recently, a toaster. The Static Pad on the side of gas pumps was invented specifically for her. Gas cans have warning labels that include her picture.

As of yet, Sparky does not have complete control over her ability. She frequently shocks people - most often her long suffering husband - without intending to do so. If she offers a kiss, one must ground oneself before accepting. Sparky also is immune to static electricity from any other source, including people. For that reason, I generally have her check any suspect electrical appliances, and let her get the newspaper during thunderstorms.

Best of all, it is the one power that bad guys on the show like Sylar can't steal. See, in order to absorb her ability, he would need to touch Sparky. As soon as he tried that, he would be flopping on the ground like a fish out of water. She's also right handy when somebody accosts us on the street, say, to hand us a pamphlet, or ask to borrow gas money. When Sparky shuffles her feet, the Bad Guys retreat in fear.

With a pair of bedroom slippers and a small piece of carpet, my wife could rule the world. To my own selfish ends, I have misused her power by occasionally introducing her to people who annoy me, but this seems fair given that she tunes me up at least once per day, albeit unintentionally. Or so she says.

Such is the blessing and the burden of being married to a woman with Superpowers.