McGwire The Pathological Liar

I can't tell you how many times OffHisMeds has written and re-written this Blog in the past two days. Why is that, you may ask? Is there some kind of conflict? Some kind of quandary? Perhaps, some vagrant guilt over our previous harsh words for Mark McGwire and other Steroid Cheats?

Hardly. The fact is that Mark McGwire's decades of Lies have reached the exalted and grandiloquent proportions of Lying previously only acheived by Politicians, and there's a real risk here to our National Mental Health. If McGwire gets away clean, Nancy Pelosi gets away clean; if Pelosi gets away clean, Harry Reid gets away clean.

Simply put: if Mark McGwire isn't lying, nobody's lying.

It's hard to believe that in the Wide World Of Professional Drub Abusers that there might be a bigger Schmuck than Barry Bonds, a Bigger Buffoon than Jose Canseco, or a Bigger Liar than Sammy Sosa. For that particular Trifecta, I give you the Sultan Of Sanctimony, Mark McGwire. Even as the St. Louis Cardinals polish the brass on his doorplate, and Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig prepares to invite McGwire back into polite society, OffHisMeds gives you a real portrait of the Poster Boy for All That Is Wrong With America, in his own words. In his third attempt to reinvent himself, McGwire recreates the Passion and other key moments in the life of Christ with himself in the starring role, then adopts the Persona of figures from history, popular culture and Myth:

The "I Coulda Been A Contender" Defense:

"McGwire didn’t know if his use of performance-enhancing drugs contributed to some of the injuries that led to his retirement, at age 38, in 2001. 'It could have. I don’t know,'" he said. He repeated this canard at least three times in recent days. This is not the first time McGwire has attempted to advance the argument that Steroids and HGH might have "shortened" his career. His sixteen year career. As in "1" followed by a "6"; As in, virtually nobody's career lasts that long.

By his own admission, McGwire juiced on and off for 14 years of those sixteen starting in 1989, and copped that he took 'Roids for injuries that practically ended his career in 1993. He was miraculously cured directly afterwards. OHM would also like to point out the complicity of reporters in even providing him an opportunity to put forward the theory that McGwire might actually have hit MORE home runs if he had never Juiced.

Amazingly, McGwire is the only Steroid Abuser so far that has been fed such a Rhetorical Softball. This isn't Reporting; it's Journalistic Malpractice, with the full cooperation of MLB. Roger Clemens must have gagged on his Wheaties when he read that one.

The "I Am The Son Of Thor, You Cannot Deny My Power!" Defense:

- “I truly believe I was given the gifts from the Man Upstairs of being a home run hitter, ever since birth,” McGwire said. “My first hit as a Little Leaguer was a home run. I mean, they still talk about the home runs I hit in high school, in Legion ball. I led the nation in home runs in college, and then all the way up to my rookie year, 49 home runs."

The conclusion we're allowed to draw here by his Omnipotence is that, having hit 49 dingers in his rookie year, his natural abilities would have inevitably led to him hitting 71; except of course that in the next two years he hit 32 and 33. Then he got back on Steroids, and his production skyrocketed.

Coincidence? Only in the mind of Mark McGwire.

The Adolf Eichmann "I Vas Only Following Orders!" Defense:

- "The only reason I took steroids was for health purposes."

- "Anybody that was in my shoes would have done the same exact thing".

- " I had injuries in '93, '94, 96, so I took steroids. I was a walking MASH unit........the wear and tear of a 162 game season, the injuries I was subject to, I wanted to retire. I talked to my Dad about my injuries in 1996; My Dad told me to 'stick it out'."

Amazing. Did I really just hear this guy tell the world that his Father encouraged him to abuse Steroids for health reasons? Yes, yes I did.

The "David Copperfield Makes An Elephant Disappear" Defense:

Costas: "Canseco says 'Right before a game, we would load up our syringes, and inject ourselves'" (referring to himself and McGwire).

McGwire: "There is absolutely no truth to that whatsoever!"

Costas: "Why would Jose Canseco say that?"

McGwire: "He's trying to sell a book".

This one requires no explanation, but OffHisMeds can't help himself. What could be the possible purpose of Costas feeding him yet another irrelevant Softball question, other than to distract attention from the hundreds of times he DID juice, and to prop McGwire up at Canseco's expense? Let us remember that Canseco is by far the only person who has told ANY truth about Steroid Abuse.

The questions Costas doesn't ask? How many times did you take Steroids? How many times did you take HGH? Did the use of these drugs coincide with your home run production?

The "I Was Kidnapped By Aliens" Defense:

“I’m sure people will wonder if I could have hit all those home runs had I never taken steroids,” McGwire said in his statement. “I had good years when I didn’t take any, and I had bad years when I didn’t take any. I had good years when I took steroids, and I had bad years when I took steroids. But no matter what, I shouldn’t have done it and for that I’m truly sorry.”

Now, if you view these comments through the rose-colored glasses McGwire insists we don because he has said "I'm sorry", this sounds like a pretty straightforward admission of guilt. But what McGwire does is attempt to inflict on us the same moral confusion he's allowed himself all these years. His statement above contains at least three bald-faced lies, and defies the provable coincidence of his drug-taking and his performance. It also contradicts his prior statements that leg injuries in 1993 threatened his career.

That's not the end of it, however. No, for me, the 560 foot solo shot of a lie is his assertion that "I had bad years when I took steroids". There is not a shred of evidence that this is true.

The "Norman Bates 'See, He Wouldn't Even Hurt A Little Fly!' Defense":

- “This has nothing to do with the Hall of Fame,” he said. “This has to do with me coming clean, getting it off my chest, and five years that I’ve held this in.”

- "I faced possible criminal prosecution.....and testimony before Congress. I had to protect my family and my friends".

Excuse me? In making the first statement, what could McGwire possibly be saying other than that he thought it was OK to lie up until his 2005 congressional testimony? Even when he tells the truth, he tells a lie. And that crap about facing criminal prosecution and protecting his family? All lies. He would have been lionized for honest testimony back in 2005, instead of the awful succession of weasel words he used, and his family was under no danger of prosecution, UNLESS MCGWIRE CONTINUED TO LIE!

How delusional does he need to be to think that his most recent comments in any way square him with Baseball fans, much less the Widow of Roger Maris? The disconnect is startling. Just compare his remarks when the scandal first broke, and his eight year silence in between. And are we supposed to ignore the fact that the only plausible reason he is "coming clean" now is that he wanted back in to Baseball society?

There's a bigger concern. If he is not Delusional, if his every move and statement for the past twenty plus years has been, as they appear to be, damage control, that makes McGwire an outright Sociopath, and not to be trusted in the presence of small children or within 500 feet of any public playground. And if he is simply Delusional, you still don't trust him around children.

Lest you think I'm being too harsh on Mark McGwire, I'll grant that a little perspective is in order. First, consider that Mark McGwire was one of at least 300 active drug abusers in Major League Baseball, only a fraction of which will ever be identified. Consider next that every player in MLB, every player in Minor League Baseball, all of the managers, all of the executives, all of the Owners and all of the Sportswriters also knew that Steroids were being abused, yet they remained silent - for a decade.

That includes, by the way, the supposedly "courageous" Curt Schilling, who in recent years has the reputation for speaking out first and loudest on drug abuse, flogging those that did use them and demanding that they be denied the Hall Of Fame.

That's great, Curt. Where the hell were you in 1991?

Lastly, consider that the great majority that were not abusing drugs not only didn't talk about it, they made no effort to clean the mess up internally. What would have prevented any of these guys from having a heart-to-heart with McGwire, Bonds, Sosa or anybody else that had transformed themselves from normal size baseball players into Freaks of nature? It's strange to think that Jose Canseco, of all people, is without qualification the only person who's demonstrated anything approaching integrity. It's strange to think that he's a person of better character - by far - than, say, Craig Biggio.

So, is Mark McGwire still the worst of the lot, deserving of ignominy and ostracization? Yes, yes he is. But there's not really that much that separates him and the most saintly of his peers.

And now that OffHisMeds has completed his Meditation on this subject, he is cheered - as should you be - that this whole stink is over something as insignificant as Entertainment. Baseball players inflating their stats with drugs and then lying about it makes as much difference as Hollywood Starlets scoring a big movie payday with Plastic Surgery and then lying about it; which is to say, it's not very relevant at all.

If you want to talk about lies that matter, let's deal with politicians, as OffHisMeds has in the past, and will in the future.