Nigeria Responds

In the wake of the attempted bombing of a Delta airliner over Detroit, Nigerian government officials hastened to distance themselves from the actions of the Bomber, Nigerian native Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. At a hastily arranged press conference in Washington, DC, Ambassador Machmoud Abdulmutallab (no relation to the Suspect) asked "that Americans see this incident for what it is - that of a depraved individual who just happens to be from Nigeria".

Standing next to U.S. Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke, Nigerian Trade Minister Abdul Abdullah Abdulmutallab (no relation to the Suspect) added that he "had every confidence that robust trade relations with the United States would continue, including major Nigerian exports such as Medicare Fraud, the Pigeon Drop, Three Card Monte, Copyright Infringement, Pirated Software, Internet Scams, Multi-level Marketing and Driveway Sealant. Abdulmutallab expressed optimism that "Nigeria could leverage its expertise in these business segments to capture a substantial portion of the growing markets for Identity Theft and Stimulus Packages". He was also "bullish on the latest innovation from Nigeria, providing character witnesses and alibis to refute paternity against and/or corroborate the whereabouts of certain Democrat Senators at the time said paternity was allegedly established".

Secretary Locke spoke briefly, reiterating the benefits of "open and robust trade between our two nations".

Visiting the White House on Monday, Nigerian President-For-Life Anwar al Jihadi Abdulmutallab (no relation to the Suspect), expressed his concern that the "alleged terrorist attack would poison the perception of Americans towards Nigerians. We are just average people", he said, "and we love America and all Americans. We stand ready to cooperate with the American government in any way possible to bring the perpetrators of terrorism to justice, up to and including strongly worded statements condemning these activities".

After the press conference, President Abdulmutallab and his retinue were briefly detained when several reporters, White House travel office executives and President Obama's Personal Liaison To The Council On American-Arab Relations reported that they were missing wallets, watches, jewelry, laptops and in the case of at least one member of the Secret Service, an M-10 automatic machine pistol.

The missing items were all returned and President Abdulmutallab finished his tour of the White House by having tea and Nigerian delicacies with President and Mrs. Obama, including Edikang-Ikong Soup, Ofe Onugbu and Chin Chin. Mrs. Obama attended wearing a Burka until President Abdulmutallab explained that......