Dear Democrats - Volume Two

Dear Democrat Party: What can I say?  I have been remiss lo this past four days, but it has been a crazy week and I just have not had the time to respond to the continuing flood of awesome personalized e-mails that you send to me.  So, to save time, I figured I would catch up with you all at once.  Here goes:

Dear Debbie Wasserman Schultz: I hope you are just kidding me about the Last Call thing after all we've meant to each other.  On a related note, don't you listen to those naysayers about your hair.  I think it's fine.

Dear DNC Membership: To Be Or Not To Be A Card Carrying Democrat.  It's a tempting, but I'm waiting for a better offer, preferably from a certified Hottie of the Democrat Party.

Dear Debbie: Bam.  You had me at "Pete".  I'm in.

Dear Barack: You are welcome, assuming you're talking about all the constructive criticism I have directed your way these past six years.  And that rogue drone on the White House lawn?  Not me.

Dear Joe: You are welcome too.  Please tell me you're not going anywhere, and that your health is good.  The Party would not be the same without you, and I mean that.

Dear Barack: Enough with the thanks already.  When I say that I could have done more, I'm really not kidding.

Dear DNC HQ: Loath as I generally am to dialogue with buildings and other non-corporeal entities, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that you can definitely count on me, and that I will definitely vote.  Not entirely sure you'll be happy with the outcome, but hey.

Dear ScarJo: Forgive the familiarity, but I feel as if we've connected on some deeper level, particularly since you starred in "Lucy".  I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with a SciFi movie that showcases your breasts, and truth be told, they were a welcome distraction from the movie, which was one Hot Mess.

Dear Joan Jett: I share your outrage, whoever the Hell "they" are.  By the way, you peaked with The Runaways.

Dear Amy: Easy Girl!  Yes, the Repubs are blocking a minimum wage increase, but frankly, you ought to be setting your sights higher.

Dear DNC HQ: Don't take it personally.  The last time I contributed you promised me an all expenses paid trip to the White House, one night in the Lincoln Bedroom, and some alone time with Michelle.  You did not come through, so you'll forgive me for being a little stingy this last election cycle.

Dear Mark: One man's beautiful dream is another man's nightmare.  For instance, "Foxcatcher" has grossed $11 Million since Thanksgiving, and you took your salary in points.  That has got to sting. Anyway, while I am generally loath to offer advice to strangers, before you next get all squishy about MoveOn.Org, you might be interested to know that it was created solely as a means to distract attention from the numerous women sexually abused by Bill Clinton.

Thus the whole "Move On" thing.

As If Baseball Could Be Made Less Boring

Regarding "King for a day decrees longer PATs and shorter baseball games" (Tuesday Sports), I mostly agree with Randy Harvey's suggestions for Major League Baseball rules changes to speed up the game, but I've got one suggestion: rather than focus on giving a pitcher only 20 seconds between pitches, I'd give him, say, 90 seconds for the first five, and twenty seconds for every pitch thereafter, not including checking the runner back to first base.  That would let the pitcher set his own pace, and baseball geeks would be on the edge of their seats, timing him to see if he was ahead of the clock, and we could watch it tick down on the Jumbotron.

Along with that, though, there must be another change: batters are not allowed to step out of the box.  However long it takes the catcher to throw the ball back is how long the batter has to get themselves dug in. Is there anything more boring than watching a batter spit, adjust their batting gloves, spit, tweak their helmet, spit, hitch their pants, and then spit once more for good measure?

And while you're at it: lower the mound four inches.  Low scoring boring games?  Problem solved.  

Pete Smith

Houston, TX

LTE - Money Mike

Regarding "Jurors convict ‘Money Mike’ in child sex case, advise probation" (Wednesday City & State), it was reported that several of the young women who accepted Money Mike's money in return for sex and other questionable behavior had brought civil suits against him.  A few thoughts.  First, despite being underage at the time, all these girls were clearly old enough to know that prostitution is wrong.  Second, any time two parties engage in prostitution, they are both committing a crime.  

Finally, there's some irony in the fact that these girls hope to end their relationship with the guy they called their "Regular" the same way they started it: by hitting him up for cash.  If they are successful and win an award against Money Mike, they should acknowledge and own their wrongdoing by giving all the money to a women's shelter or similar charity.  Then, they should sit down with their parents and figure out how they collectively were raised in households with such low values that they ever got themselves into this situation in the first place.

There's a lesson to be learned from this whole sorry affair, but being allowed to sue your "John" after he's already paid you isn't it.

Pete Smith

Houston, TX

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http://www.chron.com/opinion/letters/article/Monday-letters-Money-Mike-union-concerns-6036514.php

'Money Mike'

Regarding "Jurors convict 'Money Mike' in child sex case, advise probation" (Page B1, Wednesday), it was reported that several of the young women who accepted "Money Mike's" money in return for sex and other questionable behavior had brought civil suits against him. A few thoughts: First, despite being underage at the time, all these girls were clearly old enough to know that prostitution is wrong. Second, any time two parties engage in prostitution, they are both committing a crime.

There's some irony in the fact that these girls hope to end their relationship with the guy they called their "Regular" the same way they started it: by hitting him up for cash. If they are successful and win an award against "Money Mike," they should acknowledge and own their wrongdoing by giving all the money to a women's shelter or similar charity. Then, they should sit down with their parents and figure out how they collectively were raised in households with such low values that they ever got themselves into this situation in the first place.

There's a lesson to be learned from this whole sorry affair, but being allowed to sue your "john" after he's already paid you isn't it.

Pete Smith, Houston

The Braying Donkey

Regarding "Republican Congress’s first days are confrontational" (Sunday xTra), it was interesting and more than a little irritating to find that politics and opinion - heretofore confined to the Viewpoints section of the Sunday paper - were masquerading as news in the xTra section.  

Case in point, this hit piece by Chris Tomlinson, who bans all Republicans from polite society, portraying them as nothing but partisan obstructionists because of first week legislation that he describes as the "ideologically-driven, symbolic and ultimately fruitless grandstanding that has led to years of inaction."

Chris might be ready to throw in the towel after just one week, but first, he should acquaint himself with the facts.  Passing proactive legislation such as the Keystone Pipeline is by its very definition not obstructionist. And it was Senate Democrats who did little these past two years other than kill hundreds of bills sent over to them by the House, many with bipartisan support and including, ironically, Keystone. 

Tomlinson's beef is not with Republican politicians, it is with an American electorate that not only put them into power but swept them into power virtually across the board, and in all precincts. Tomlinson might focus on why this is true, as opposed to simply shouting Democrat Talking Points.  Finally, discriminating consumers crave news over opinion.  If the Chron is going to keep the xTra section, you should consider keeping it to hard news. 

Pete Smith 

Houston, TX