I wake up around 7:30am. I stick my head in the second bedroom, and those
considerate little girls have closed their bedroom door and are quietly playing
music on a little boom box. Who are you,
and what have you done with Kayla and Jenna?
We all head downstairs, and in less than 20 minutes, Jenna trips and falls
into the couch, the settee, the coffee table, the other coffee table and Sharon’s
knee. Every time, Jenna leaps up and says
“I’m all right; I’m all right!” What strikes
me about the whole thing is that the child never manages to trip and fall
straight to the ground, much less that this all took place before breakfast.
The Girls have breakfast, and Kayla asks if she can watch TV. Nope, Mama Sharon says; I want you to read out
of your book for me first. So Kayla reads
a long section out loud about the solar system to Sharon. I am
purely amazed, as she reads for several minutes with virtually no hesitation at
what to me is at least a fifth grade level.
Unfortunately, the only thing I actually retain is: “Uranus is full of
greenish-blue gas”, which I immediately post on Facebook.
After that, a fort gets built using the dining room table, two blankets
and a bunch of pillows. This occupies
the Girls until lunch time. At lunch, they
sit down to tomato soup, avocado and tomato slices, and string cheese. I make the mistake of telling the girls that the
best way to eat string cheese is to peel it in long thin strips. This innocent
statement proves to be the perfect opening for Jenna to be willful, and do
exactly the opposite of what I suggest.
I fall for this trap every time, but I enjoy it nonetheless, mostly
because JG is so cheerful about inviting you to witness her dark side. Seriously; Google “willful”; there’s a
picture of Jenna Grace.
Here’s the rest of the story: After I make my suggestion, Jenna pulls
her single serving of string cheese out of the wrapper, and puts the stick in
her mouth without actually biting down.
Then she just stares at me: Your move, Papa Pete. I remind her about the peeling thing,
explaining that you get the best flavor by maximizing the exposure of the
surface area of the cheese, thus allowing it to breathe. I have no idea why I go into such detail, but
Jenna correctly interprets it as a sign of weakness.
She takes the stick of cheese out of her mouth, peels a perfect filament
the entire length of the stick and roughly the width of a human hair. I am impressed, and lulled into a false sense
of accomplishment. Then she sets the minute strand on her plate and proceeds to
chomp down on half the stick, chewing away in merry victory, looking me right
in the eye.
Well played, young lady; well played.
To Kyle and Cheryl: Sorry, but I
showed Kayla how to use my Nexus 7 today.
I promise, we’ll pay for the intervention therapy, but it was the only
way I could regain control of my laptop.
Just the day before I had installed a pattern key on the Nexus that had to be traced
in order to unlock it. I started
to show KZ how to use it, and she replied “I know”; then she traced the pattern
and unlocked the device. I asked her “how
do you know what my pattern is”? She
replied “it’s the same as your phone.”
I am speechless.
Anyway, with no further instruction, she is off to the races; Some time
later she shows me a list of game Apps I can get either for free or for as
little as 99 cents, including Disney Princess!
Happy days. I hand the unit back
to her and tell her I need to get a good software protection suite before I download
anything. She requires no further explanation, and happily resumes browsing.
Every time I play Marvin Gaye, I get reprimanded. The Girls are similarly intolerant of Slayer,
Ted Nugent and Queens of the Stone Age. With
this slight hitch, things are going swimmingly, with zero property damage and little drama. Mama Sharon's conflict resolution protocols are firmly adhered to by all parties, which is to say, we are all required to behave. The rest of the afternoon is relatively quiet. Suppertime approaches.
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