A Financial Report From Al Qaeda

From: Ali Abdul Hassan Jihad - Chief Accountant

To: Certain Unnamed Leaders Of Al Qaeda

Subject: Annual Report For Certain Expenditures and Anticipated Returns for FY2010-2011

All praise to Allah The Merciful, and may his Blessings continue to flow upon us. Our strategy to bankrupt America continues to realize most excellent results, in no small part due to the gift that keeps on giving: The Democrat Party (may their infidel souls be to The Faithful as is Camel dung to the heel of the Dhimmi). May Allah sustain them through the 2010 Mid-term elections.

MILITARY EXPENDITURES

The Cost Per Kill ratio has improved dramatically from FY2008 to 2009. The cost to The Faithful to kill an American currently comes out to a mere $1.50 US currency, including the cost of explosives, salary, expenses and a nominal overhead. Of course, this figure is adjusted seasonally, and does not include the overtime demands of the Taliban, may they rot in a Christian prison. By comparison, The Crusaders currently spend $272 thousand to kill one of The Faithful, not including operating costs and overhead! A single Hellfire missile costs The Great Satan $68,000. Field reports indicate that the Infidels must fire four of Satan's Bullets to kill one of The Faithful. This is a GKRPD (gross kill ratio per dollar) of over 45,000 to 1. If we include the costs of the Predator Drone Per Kill Event ($1,250,000 per successful launch) and the infamous US Government overhead ($2,575,000 per launch), the GKRPD balloons to 2,731,000 to 1!

These figures have been verified by US Army Quartermasters including at least seven of The Faithful currently serving in their ranks, May They Avoid The Contamination of Unbelievers. If we sacrifice a mere 10,000 Holy Warriors yearly to The Cause, it will come at a cost over $41 billion US per annum to the Non-Believers, based on current exchange rates.

Surely even the Infidel cannot sustain such an expense!

PROSECUTION EXPENDITURES

Thanks to the efforts of US Attorney General Eric Holder (May the lowest of The Faithful drag his entrails through the offal of a cloven-hooved beast), trials for all of our Holy Warriors are now scheduled to be held in American civil courts. The Great Satan indicates that the initial cost to try five of the Faithful, including Khalid Sheik Mohammed, will be at a minimum $250 million US currency. That comes out to a staggering $50 million per defendant! The court-appointed attorneys (May they rot in the portion of Hell reserved for Infidel Lawyers) assure us that pre-trial motions, appeals, jury challenges and other jurisprudential trickery will at least double this cost!

Al Qaeda's outreach to The American Civil Liberties Union (May their Afterlife be the world they inflict on Others) has ensured an endless string of Amicus Briefs and Higher Court appeals involving the abuse of Habeas Corpus and the 1st and 6th amendments to the US Constitution which will result in additional overhead of 20% that will raise the cost of prosecuting one defendant to $120 Million.

If through our efforts (Allah Be Willing) we are able to impose a mere 1,000 Holy Warriors on the American justice system, the cost will be $120 Billion US per annum. Anticipating the success of our Program, your Humble Servant has notified our Patrons in Saudi Arabia to sell short on American stocks for FY2010, expand their positions on Commodities and then go long on mortgage-backed securities in FY2011. Allah be generous, by the 2012 election cycle, we shall be not only their Enemy but their Landlords as well!

With all blessings to the Faithful, it was the Communists (May they roast in the Hell they do not believe in) who declared they would "sell the Capitalists the rope with which they would hang them". We are on schedule to not only hang the Infidels, but to fashion the rope from their own currency!

Detailed financial statements will be forwarded upon completion of our FY2009 Budget Reconciliation.

Allahu Akbar.