The parallels between the bloodbath involving Senator Kaye Bailey Hutchison vs. Governor Rick Perry and the one just concluded between Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien couldn't be more spooky. In one corner, we have a popular incumbent who has dominated his segment for many years, delivering the goods for his organization, stomping the competition, and expecting to stay where he is. In the other corner, there's a Quirky Lightweight who has never amounted to much, leveraging the Peter Principle as if it was an immutable law of physics who wants to replace the Incumbent. It's not apparent to anybody that any good will come of it for anybody if the Quirky Lightweight is allowed to have their way, but they throw so many tantrums that people are starting to notice.
Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Give the Quirky Lightweight an ultimatum, tell them to shut their yap and go do the job for which they have demonstrated a modest competence, and let the Incumbent continue to deliver the goods in the prime slot.
Unfortunately, we haven't gotten to the third corner. In that corner is a gaggle of Establishment Republicans skilled in the art of compromise, even when the need for compromise serves no useful purpose and plants the seeds of an impending disaster. They fashion a deal in 2005 wherein the Incumbent is allowed to keep his job, but only if he agrees to give it up to the Quirky Lightweight in 2010. Fast forward to 2010, and this is where the analogy breaks down a bit, because Perry is promised no new gig, as was Leno in 2009, and thus does not agree to go gently into the night, as did Leno.
Either way, you know in your heart of hearts that the Quirky Lightweight does not have what it takes to deliver in prime time, and Conan O'Brien tanks in spectacular fashion, just as we mightily suspect Kaye Bailey Hutchison would, assuming she was to win the Texas governorship. Quickly, the wheels come off both of these very ugly deals, and the Quirky Lightweights go Postal, dragging everybody through the mud in their pursuit of self-fulfillment, including the organizations they both supposedly represent. Corporate ratings plunge. Tens of millions of dollars that could be put to better use are wasted as the Incumbent and Quirky Lightweight thrash each other.
Welcome to the world of Kaye Bailey Hutchison, or KBH as OffHisMeds likes to call her. With little stage presence and no agenda, it's hard to imagine an emptier suit than KBH, a person of few accomplishments in her previous gigs who desires to be advanced anyway; a person completely, totally and consummately interested in one thing: herself.
Think about it. Can you name one piece of legislation associated with her name? Has she advanced the cause of Small Government and spending restraint that characterizes her Party? Has she taken up the fight to nominate and appoint conservative judges? Is she involved in Party-building in any way? Has she ever advocated a controversial position out of principle? Sorry to say, you can readily answer those questions when you're talking about the junior senator from Texas - John Cornyn. I sincerely doubt Hutchison herself could answer them in any compelling fashion when it comes to her own resume. Listen to her campaign commercials for any number of examples, fraught as they are with vague generalities.
Meanwhile, her political career is full of anecdotes showing a Zelig-like political operator, and a person of no real character:
- Before committing to a third term in the Senate in 2005 - and with Perry coming off a successful first full term as governor - KBH was demanding he step aside to allow her to replace him. Perry bucked her and the party elders negotiated the "Jay Leno" scenario described above. Now, who in their right mind tries to replace a very successful fellow Republican after his first term as governor, and at the height of his popularity and power? In what universe is that good for her party or her constituents?
- Early in her first campaign for the Senate, KBH promised to limit herself to two six-year terms. She broke that promise in 2005 after failing to force Perry aside, and ran for a third term in 2006. Last fall, she very vocally supported an amendment introduced to limit Senators to two consecutive terms, oblivious - or more likely simply unconcerned - over the hypocrisy of herself constantly hedging her electoral bets, every action taken simply to retain high office.
- The plot thickens. In 2008, KBH promised to resign from her Senate seat to run for governor. After securing Establishment backing for her campaign, she delayed her resignation, finally claiming last year that she had to stay on "to fight Obama's health care bill". But now that her prospects for governor are bleak, even that promise has quickly been cast aside, with every knowledgeable commentator convinced she will retain her seat after her inevitable primary defeat. In so doing, she sank the chances of a raft of fresh Republican senatorial candidates that might have replaced her, and invigorated those of a raft of Democrats.
The specter of Arlen Specter looms large over her political career: opportunism her only motivation; self-promotion her only goal. It's no accident that you can picture KBH a Democrat as readily as a Republican. Not that Perry is without his baggage. Just as it will be difficult to ever completely forgive Leno for "JayWalking", Perry will carry the Trans-Texas Corridor fiasco around with him like a Scarlet Letter, and deservedly so. But Hutchison's rationale seems to be that Perry's accumulation of political sins - modest by the standards of a two-term governor and doubly so compared to United States Senator Kaye Bailey Hutchison - is all the reason she needs to destroy him. That only begs the question as to why this ugly episode ever came into being in the first place.
Where was the rest of the Republican Party when this storm was brewing? Where were Cornyn, Cheney and W? Where was the bulk of Texas' congressional delegation? In KBH's corner, as it turns out, or safely on the sidelines. Seems as if in their view, like Hutchison's, Washington DC is the center of the universe, and that what Texans really need in a governor is an operative who has that culture oozing from every pore. The short-sightedness of this outlook is astonishing, but were it otherwise, KBH would have been stiffed in her gubernatorial ambitions back in '05.
Without flogging the Leno/O'Brien analogy too much more, I wonder if the Perry/KBH outcome could be engineered the same as Leno/O'Brien: Hutchison agrees to go away, and abandons her party. Perry resumes his campaign for governor, albeit with his reputation battered and his base eroded. The Republican Party is decimated, just as NBC surely was, and primed to be creamed by its relatively unscathed rival. Meanwhile, another perennial underachiever (Bill White), is the beneficiary of all the in-fighting, and he stands to clean up, just as David Letterman has during the Leno/O'Brien contretemps.
The analogy breaks down about there, however, since - unlike Conan O'Brien - Kaye Bailey does not have the option of switching sides. Simply put, there's no place else for her to go, and we're stuck with her until at least 2012. And as she drives the Texas Republican Party into electoral insignificance and provides Bill White a dozen ready-made commercials slamming Perry and featuring her, remember that you heard it here first: Kaye Bailey Hutchison doesn't just suck as a politician.....
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
It's The Little Things That Make Life Worth Living
"You no been around for a while", said the Counter Girl at OffHisMeds' favorite donuttery, a charming little shop just down the road from my house. In the several years' prior that I had been gainfully employed at the same location, this shop was a regular morning stop on the way to work, providing the solace that can only be found in a good strong cup of coffee, a Long John, or - when I was ready to splurge - a bacon, egg and cheese croissant. Counter Girl was the other attraction, relentlessly cheerful at 6:30 a.m., and cute as a button to boot.
Something, however, had changed. I noticed that Counter Girl now wore plastic gloves when she worked, lending the joint an air of cleanliness that it had previously lacked. Not that this had been a big concern for me previously. Growing up in Detroit, one can't be squeamish about Servers touching one's food, particularly since it was standard practice at my favorite Hash House for Tillie the waitress to carry your order to your table with her thumb overlapping the edge of the plate, her fingertip planted firmly into your scrambled eggs. And call me crazy, but I took some pleasure from Counter Girl touching my donut or kolache before handing it to me, as if we were all part of one big happy family.
Still, standards are standards, and if the Donut shop thought they needed gloves, who was I to criticize them? Besides, the legions of Soccer Moms who also patronized the place no doubt approved.
Which is why Counter Girl brought a huge smile to my face when she carefully placed my donuts in the bag - her plastic gloves protecting me from any pathogens that might be lurking on her hands - and then took my twenty dollar bill, made change including a ten, a five, three singles, a quarter, dime, nickel and three pennies, handed it to me, and then immediately served her next customer.
Right there, she had me back as a regular, if for no other reason than to observe the look of amazement on the face of the person being served directly after me. Counter Girl is charmingly clueless of the contradiction, and with a puzzled smile, asked me "why you smiling so big?". How to explain to her that it just wasn't that she handled food, paper money and change with the same gloved hands, but that in this particular instance, she had to reach into every conceivable slot in her register, including all of the change bins, corrupted as they were with the residue of the hundred donuts that had preceded mine?
"No particular reason", I replied. "I'm just happy today". That seemed to satisfy her, I was rewarded with another big smile, and she turned back to her next customer. Before I left, I looked into the back room and noticed that the Baker was wearing a surgical mask as he fried up a batch of Donut Holes. I smiled again, and headed to my car.
Something, however, had changed. I noticed that Counter Girl now wore plastic gloves when she worked, lending the joint an air of cleanliness that it had previously lacked. Not that this had been a big concern for me previously. Growing up in Detroit, one can't be squeamish about Servers touching one's food, particularly since it was standard practice at my favorite Hash House for Tillie the waitress to carry your order to your table with her thumb overlapping the edge of the plate, her fingertip planted firmly into your scrambled eggs. And call me crazy, but I took some pleasure from Counter Girl touching my donut or kolache before handing it to me, as if we were all part of one big happy family.
Still, standards are standards, and if the Donut shop thought they needed gloves, who was I to criticize them? Besides, the legions of Soccer Moms who also patronized the place no doubt approved.
Which is why Counter Girl brought a huge smile to my face when she carefully placed my donuts in the bag - her plastic gloves protecting me from any pathogens that might be lurking on her hands - and then took my twenty dollar bill, made change including a ten, a five, three singles, a quarter, dime, nickel and three pennies, handed it to me, and then immediately served her next customer.
Right there, she had me back as a regular, if for no other reason than to observe the look of amazement on the face of the person being served directly after me. Counter Girl is charmingly clueless of the contradiction, and with a puzzled smile, asked me "why you smiling so big?". How to explain to her that it just wasn't that she handled food, paper money and change with the same gloved hands, but that in this particular instance, she had to reach into every conceivable slot in her register, including all of the change bins, corrupted as they were with the residue of the hundred donuts that had preceded mine?
"No particular reason", I replied. "I'm just happy today". That seemed to satisfy her, I was rewarded with another big smile, and she turned back to her next customer. Before I left, I looked into the back room and noticed that the Baker was wearing a surgical mask as he fried up a batch of Donut Holes. I smiled again, and headed to my car.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Straight Man, Lightning Rod, Doofus, Dupe
OffHisMeds is frequently dismayed by the sundry self-inflicted wounds of the Republican Party, never more evident than in their pathological need to appear reasonable. Which is why he was so pleased to read a wonderful, full-throated, unapologetic and long-overdue celebration of Conservative values in Jeff Bergner's article “Can Republicans Govern?”, in the Feb. 8th issue of The Weekly Standard.
He expresses perfectly the frustrations of conservatives like OffHisMeds who look on in amazement as the Republican Party prepares for what will be – with the exception of the Reagan Years and the first 100 days of The Contract With America – its 6th decade as the Straight Man to the Democrat Party. The article ably describes how Republicans, by refusing to offer an alternative to the Democrats’ version of history – what he describes as “The Narrative” – put themselves at a perpetual disadvantage, are constantly on defense, and eventually betray their principles, their agenda and their constituents.
This pathology is hardly limited to Republican politicians, by the way. Even though The Weekly Standard published Bergner’s article repudiating the Democrat “Narrative”, I had to go back a mere two issues to find a perfect example of the embracement of it, Matthew Continetti’s article “Defusing The Debt Bomb”.
The article is shot through with The Narrative, and unconsciously legitimizes it at every turn. I’ll give you four examples:
1) The Moral Equivalency Default. In the article Continetti opines that “Thanks to …... profligate spending by both Republicans and Democrats, the deficit and debt are at postwar highs”. It’s bad enough that Democrats get away with constantly equating their Felonies to our Misdemeanors without Conservatives jumping on the bandwagon. If we can’t stick the Profligate Spender label on Democrats, we can’t stick them with anything.
2) The tendency of Conservatives to neuter their own Narrative. This quote illustrates my point: “There is new evidence that massive debt hampers economic vitality”. Yikes! As if the plundering of our 401Ks since 1999 didn’t make this painfully obvious, could we not agree that Milton Friedman settled this question decades ago? What purpose does this observation serve other than to provide cover to generations of Democrat Budget Busters?
3) The obsession with “bipartisanship”. Continetti writes approvingly that Republican Senator Judd Gregg has “coauthored with committee chairman Kent Conrad of North Dakota (a proposal) to establish a bipartisan task force to fix America’s finances”. With the possible exception of “Conservative Democrat”, is there any phrase in the English language more repugnant to actual Conservatives than “bipartisan task force to fix America’s finances”? Not only does it suggest that bipartisan task forces are good things, but that Democrats have anything to offer in fixing the problem.
4) Hedge-betting equivocation. Mr. Continetti writes: “….. no one knows when the next boom will start. And the Democratic playbook of tax, spend, and regulate may delay it”. “May” delay it? The fact that Republicans can't bring themselves to say that Tax-Spend-and-Regulate policies will delay economic recovery doesn't exactly put them in a strong position to argue that those policies actually damage the Economy.
Mr. Continetti is far from the only person susceptible to the notion that Conservative and Liberal arguments (or their proponents) deserve equal time, but as Bergner points out, if Republicans are to succeed in advancing a Conservative agenda, they must once and for all repudiate “The Narrative”. Mr. Bergner’s article ought to be required reading for all Weekly Standard writers. After a decade of subscribing to The Standard, only today did I read an article that so unashamedly defended Conservative thought, Conservative principles, and if I may, Conservative Exceptionalism.
If you tend to be a cynic, it's not hard to fathom why Republicans constantly play the game by Democrat rules. Even when they're in power, they're really not, considering that three of the six major branches of government are immune to the Electorate and thus dominated by Democrats, including the Bureaucracy, the Media and Academia. The story these three worthless institutions tell is consistent and coordinated. Soviet Russia could only dream of the lockstep conformity of our Educators, Reporters and Governmental Knob-Twiddlers.
The Russkis had a word for these folks. They called them Apparatchiks, people blindly devoted to the Cause, whatever the hell the Cause may be. It's ironic to think that they would create a word with such a pejorative tone, but the Soviets - even as they used such people to preserve their hold on power - had a sense of humor about their ability to manipulate them.
This is not to say that in America the Apparatchik's stranglehold on "The Narrative" cannot be broken, but it is to say that doing so requires some stones, a willingness to endure some verbal abuse, the withholding of governmental favors, no invitations to all the right parties, and even - if for so ever a short period of time - banishment to the political wilderness.
Rick Perry's campaign is running a commercial that gives us a perfect illustration of the Republican Straight Man - Kay Bailey Hutchison. The punch line is "she went to change Washington, but Washington changed her". How better to describe the untold legions of Republicans who sought political office to change Big Government, but ended up getting seduced by the power, the perks and the culture of Big Government.
Republican’s failure to defend Conservatism brought the Tea Parties into existence. Let’s hope the Obama Administration is that seminal event that causes them to not only reject the Democrat “Narrative”, but put forward one of their own.
Or, they can keep playing Straight Man to the Democrat Party, settling for a few scraps from their table, and very occasionally, a seat.
He expresses perfectly the frustrations of conservatives like OffHisMeds who look on in amazement as the Republican Party prepares for what will be – with the exception of the Reagan Years and the first 100 days of The Contract With America – its 6th decade as the Straight Man to the Democrat Party. The article ably describes how Republicans, by refusing to offer an alternative to the Democrats’ version of history – what he describes as “The Narrative” – put themselves at a perpetual disadvantage, are constantly on defense, and eventually betray their principles, their agenda and their constituents.
This pathology is hardly limited to Republican politicians, by the way. Even though The Weekly Standard published Bergner’s article repudiating the Democrat “Narrative”, I had to go back a mere two issues to find a perfect example of the embracement of it, Matthew Continetti’s article “Defusing The Debt Bomb”.
The article is shot through with The Narrative, and unconsciously legitimizes it at every turn. I’ll give you four examples:
1) The Moral Equivalency Default. In the article Continetti opines that “Thanks to …... profligate spending by both Republicans and Democrats, the deficit and debt are at postwar highs”. It’s bad enough that Democrats get away with constantly equating their Felonies to our Misdemeanors without Conservatives jumping on the bandwagon. If we can’t stick the Profligate Spender label on Democrats, we can’t stick them with anything.
2) The tendency of Conservatives to neuter their own Narrative. This quote illustrates my point: “There is new evidence that massive debt hampers economic vitality”. Yikes! As if the plundering of our 401Ks since 1999 didn’t make this painfully obvious, could we not agree that Milton Friedman settled this question decades ago? What purpose does this observation serve other than to provide cover to generations of Democrat Budget Busters?
3) The obsession with “bipartisanship”. Continetti writes approvingly that Republican Senator Judd Gregg has “coauthored with committee chairman Kent Conrad of North Dakota (a proposal) to establish a bipartisan task force to fix America’s finances”. With the possible exception of “Conservative Democrat”, is there any phrase in the English language more repugnant to actual Conservatives than “bipartisan task force to fix America’s finances”? Not only does it suggest that bipartisan task forces are good things, but that Democrats have anything to offer in fixing the problem.
4) Hedge-betting equivocation. Mr. Continetti writes: “….. no one knows when the next boom will start. And the Democratic playbook of tax, spend, and regulate may delay it”. “May” delay it? The fact that Republicans can't bring themselves to say that Tax-Spend-and-Regulate policies will delay economic recovery doesn't exactly put them in a strong position to argue that those policies actually damage the Economy.
Mr. Continetti is far from the only person susceptible to the notion that Conservative and Liberal arguments (or their proponents) deserve equal time, but as Bergner points out, if Republicans are to succeed in advancing a Conservative agenda, they must once and for all repudiate “The Narrative”. Mr. Bergner’s article ought to be required reading for all Weekly Standard writers. After a decade of subscribing to The Standard, only today did I read an article that so unashamedly defended Conservative thought, Conservative principles, and if I may, Conservative Exceptionalism.
If you tend to be a cynic, it's not hard to fathom why Republicans constantly play the game by Democrat rules. Even when they're in power, they're really not, considering that three of the six major branches of government are immune to the Electorate and thus dominated by Democrats, including the Bureaucracy, the Media and Academia. The story these three worthless institutions tell is consistent and coordinated. Soviet Russia could only dream of the lockstep conformity of our Educators, Reporters and Governmental Knob-Twiddlers.
The Russkis had a word for these folks. They called them Apparatchiks, people blindly devoted to the Cause, whatever the hell the Cause may be. It's ironic to think that they would create a word with such a pejorative tone, but the Soviets - even as they used such people to preserve their hold on power - had a sense of humor about their ability to manipulate them.
This is not to say that in America the Apparatchik's stranglehold on "The Narrative" cannot be broken, but it is to say that doing so requires some stones, a willingness to endure some verbal abuse, the withholding of governmental favors, no invitations to all the right parties, and even - if for so ever a short period of time - banishment to the political wilderness.
Rick Perry's campaign is running a commercial that gives us a perfect illustration of the Republican Straight Man - Kay Bailey Hutchison. The punch line is "she went to change Washington, but Washington changed her". How better to describe the untold legions of Republicans who sought political office to change Big Government, but ended up getting seduced by the power, the perks and the culture of Big Government.
Republican’s failure to defend Conservatism brought the Tea Parties into existence. Let’s hope the Obama Administration is that seminal event that causes them to not only reject the Democrat “Narrative”, but put forward one of their own.
Or, they can keep playing Straight Man to the Democrat Party, settling for a few scraps from their table, and very occasionally, a seat.
A Financial Report From Al Qaeda, Pt II
From: Ali Abdul Hassan Jihad - Chief accountant
To: Certain Unnamed Leaders Of Al Qaeda
Subject: Addendum To Annual Report For FY2010-2011 - Additional Expenses For The Infidel
All praise to Allah The Merciful and may his blessings flow. Your Humble Servant Ali Abdul Hassan Jihad wishes to report on other substantial expenses that we have inflicted upon The Great Satan, may the wombs of his Handmaidens shrivel as they dance in revealing clothing at decadent American Topless Bars, particularly Centerfolds in Boston on LaGrange Street, which features a lunch special of steak, crab legs and freshly tossed salad for only $5.99, and where the dancers give you an honest lap-dance at a reasonable price.
Or so I am told.
As the exalted Osama Bin Laden has said: "We will not defeat the Great Satan with weapons; we will not defeat him with blood, not even the blood of a million Holy Warriors. We will defeat the Great Satan by using his institutions of law and governance against him. We will let him spend himself to death".
The substance of this report deals with the most recent fronts opened in the financial war against the Unbelievers, dealing with the various costs imposed on the Den of Filth that is America.
MILITARY PRESENCE
Occupation costs for the army of The Crusaders are projected to be $1.25 Trillion from 2010 to 2014, based on advance budgets provided to us by several of The Faithful employed within - as the Devils refer to it - the "non-partisan" Congressional Budget Office. If I may be permitted a moment of levity, how madly did we laugh when this report reached our hands. "Non-partisan"; Oh ha ha ha!
As to this valuable information, I have instructed our Operatives within the CBO to cease and desist from lecturing their fellow employees about the evils of Democracy, handing out business cards that include a job description title of "Soldier of Allah", or threatening to blow up government buildings. This applies, of course, only to The Faithful at a government rating of GS-10 or above.
From prior experience, and factoring in the disruptions we have scheduled, the actual cost for FY 2010/2014 for the Occupation will total $2.25 Trillion, inclusive of Iraq, Afghanistan, and - Allah Be Willing - Pakistan. This equates to a non-inflation adjusted annual outlay of $450 Billion US per year!
DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
911 continues to pay some very nice dividends. The Depart Of Homeland Security budget will increase from it's present level of $55 Billion by at least 15% per year through FY 2014. This valuable information was provided by several of The Faithful employed in their Accounting department, including a senior aide to the execrable Janet Napolitano.
On a related note, our PW (Psychological Warfare) division reports a handsome ROI from the Underwear Bomber in demoralizing the populace, with new restrictions on air travel within America including but not limited to: a) restricted bathroom privileges on all flights; b) a "visible hands" policy; c) restrictions on all forms of recreation; and d) restrictions on the sale of alcohol. Within the airports themselves, additional indignities now include the mandatory palpitation of the genitalia of all travelers - including children and the elderly - by airport screeners. As one of our GS-14s within the DHS put it: "The Unbelievers are molesting themselves!".
The cost to the Americans of these humiliations is incalculable.
INCARCERATION
Based on reports from members of The Faithful on the staffs of Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Attorney General Eric Holder (may they embrace in a molten pit), we can now predict that the cost of incarcerating one Fighter in the United States is $9.75 million US per year. Based on current projections, incarceration of only 1,000 of The Faithful per year will cost the Great Satan almost $10 billion per year. Based on current projections, within ten years, the US would be housing 10,000 fighters at a cost of $97.5 Billion per year.
And Blessed Be The Prophet, one of our Operatives is a Lead Prosecutor in the trial of Khalid Sheik Mohammed, having secured this position through the scholarships extended to FALN terrorists released by AG Holder in 1999.
Adjusted for inflation, the annual expenditure in these three departments alone will total $542.5 Billion by FY2014, or more than $5,000 per household in the Land of Satan. To ensure these outcomes, the PW Executive Committee recommends a 20% per annum increase in funding for George Soros (may his eternity be spent in the company of his Peers) through the next two election cycles.
Allahu Akbar.
To: Certain Unnamed Leaders Of Al Qaeda
Subject: Addendum To Annual Report For FY2010-2011 - Additional Expenses For The Infidel
All praise to Allah The Merciful and may his blessings flow. Your Humble Servant Ali Abdul Hassan Jihad wishes to report on other substantial expenses that we have inflicted upon The Great Satan, may the wombs of his Handmaidens shrivel as they dance in revealing clothing at decadent American Topless Bars, particularly Centerfolds in Boston on LaGrange Street, which features a lunch special of steak, crab legs and freshly tossed salad for only $5.99, and where the dancers give you an honest lap-dance at a reasonable price.
Or so I am told.
As the exalted Osama Bin Laden has said: "We will not defeat the Great Satan with weapons; we will not defeat him with blood, not even the blood of a million Holy Warriors. We will defeat the Great Satan by using his institutions of law and governance against him. We will let him spend himself to death".
The substance of this report deals with the most recent fronts opened in the financial war against the Unbelievers, dealing with the various costs imposed on the Den of Filth that is America.
MILITARY PRESENCE
Occupation costs for the army of The Crusaders are projected to be $1.25 Trillion from 2010 to 2014, based on advance budgets provided to us by several of The Faithful employed within - as the Devils refer to it - the "non-partisan" Congressional Budget Office. If I may be permitted a moment of levity, how madly did we laugh when this report reached our hands. "Non-partisan"; Oh ha ha ha!
As to this valuable information, I have instructed our Operatives within the CBO to cease and desist from lecturing their fellow employees about the evils of Democracy, handing out business cards that include a job description title of "Soldier of Allah", or threatening to blow up government buildings. This applies, of course, only to The Faithful at a government rating of GS-10 or above.
From prior experience, and factoring in the disruptions we have scheduled, the actual cost for FY 2010/2014 for the Occupation will total $2.25 Trillion, inclusive of Iraq, Afghanistan, and - Allah Be Willing - Pakistan. This equates to a non-inflation adjusted annual outlay of $450 Billion US per year!
DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
911 continues to pay some very nice dividends. The Depart Of Homeland Security budget will increase from it's present level of $55 Billion by at least 15% per year through FY 2014. This valuable information was provided by several of The Faithful employed in their Accounting department, including a senior aide to the execrable Janet Napolitano.
On a related note, our PW (Psychological Warfare) division reports a handsome ROI from the Underwear Bomber in demoralizing the populace, with new restrictions on air travel within America including but not limited to: a) restricted bathroom privileges on all flights; b) a "visible hands" policy; c) restrictions on all forms of recreation; and d) restrictions on the sale of alcohol. Within the airports themselves, additional indignities now include the mandatory palpitation of the genitalia of all travelers - including children and the elderly - by airport screeners. As one of our GS-14s within the DHS put it: "The Unbelievers are molesting themselves!".
The cost to the Americans of these humiliations is incalculable.
INCARCERATION
Based on reports from members of The Faithful on the staffs of Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Attorney General Eric Holder (may they embrace in a molten pit), we can now predict that the cost of incarcerating one Fighter in the United States is $9.75 million US per year. Based on current projections, incarceration of only 1,000 of The Faithful per year will cost the Great Satan almost $10 billion per year. Based on current projections, within ten years, the US would be housing 10,000 fighters at a cost of $97.5 Billion per year.
And Blessed Be The Prophet, one of our Operatives is a Lead Prosecutor in the trial of Khalid Sheik Mohammed, having secured this position through the scholarships extended to FALN terrorists released by AG Holder in 1999.
Adjusted for inflation, the annual expenditure in these three departments alone will total $542.5 Billion by FY2014, or more than $5,000 per household in the Land of Satan. To ensure these outcomes, the PW Executive Committee recommends a 20% per annum increase in funding for George Soros (may his eternity be spent in the company of his Peers) through the next two election cycles.
Allahu Akbar.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A Financial Report From Al Qaeda
From: Ali Abdul Hassan Jihad - Chief Accountant
To: Certain Unnamed Leaders Of Al Qaeda
Subject: Annual Report For Certain Expenditures and Anticipated Returns for FY2010-2011
All praise to Allah The Merciful, and may his Blessings continue to flow upon us. Our strategy to bankrupt America continues to realize most excellent results, in no small part due to the gift that keeps on giving: The Democrat Party (may their infidel souls be to The Faithful as is Camel dung to the heel of the Dhimmi). May Allah sustain them through the 2010 Mid-term elections.
MILITARY EXPENDITURES
The Cost Per Kill ratio has improved dramatically from FY2008 to 2009. The cost to The Faithful to kill an American currently comes out to a mere $1.50 US currency, including the cost of explosives, salary, expenses and a nominal overhead. Of course, this figure is adjusted seasonally, and does not include the overtime demands of the Taliban, may they rot in a Christian prison. By comparison, The Crusaders currently spend $272 thousand to kill one of The Faithful, not including operating costs and overhead! A single Hellfire missile costs The Great Satan $68,000. Field reports indicate that the Infidels must fire four of Satan's Bullets to kill one of The Faithful. This is a GKRPD (gross kill ratio per dollar) of over 45,000 to 1. If we include the costs of the Predator Drone Per Kill Event ($1,250,000 per successful launch) and the infamous US Government overhead ($2,575,000 per launch), the GKRPD balloons to 2,731,000 to 1!
These figures have been verified by US Army Quartermasters including at least seven of The Faithful currently serving in their ranks, May They Avoid The Contamination of Unbelievers. If we sacrifice a mere 10,000 Holy Warriors yearly to The Cause, it will come at a cost over $41 billion US per annum to the Non-Believers, based on current exchange rates.
Surely even the Infidel cannot sustain such an expense!
PROSECUTION EXPENDITURES
Thanks to the efforts of US Attorney General Eric Holder (May the lowest of The Faithful drag his entrails through the offal of a cloven-hooved beast), trials for all of our Holy Warriors are now scheduled to be held in American civil courts. The Great Satan indicates that the initial cost to try five of the Faithful, including Khalid Sheik Mohammed, will be at a minimum $250 million US currency. That comes out to a staggering $50 million per defendant! The court-appointed attorneys (May they rot in the portion of Hell reserved for Infidel Lawyers) assure us that pre-trial motions, appeals, jury challenges and other jurisprudential trickery will at least double this cost!
Al Qaeda's outreach to The American Civil Liberties Union (May their Afterlife be the world they inflict on Others) has ensured an endless string of Amicus Briefs and Higher Court appeals involving the abuse of Habeas Corpus and the 1st and 6th amendments to the US Constitution which will result in additional overhead of 20% that will raise the cost of prosecuting one defendant to $120 Million.
If through our efforts (Allah Be Willing) we are able to impose a mere 1,000 Holy Warriors on the American justice system, the cost will be $120 Billion US per annum. Anticipating the success of our Program, your Humble Servant has notified our Patrons in Saudi Arabia to sell short on American stocks for FY2010, expand their positions on Commodities and then go long on mortgage-backed securities in FY2011. Allah be generous, by the 2012 election cycle, we shall be not only their Enemy but their Landlords as well!
With all blessings to the Faithful, it was the Communists (May they roast in the Hell they do not believe in) who declared they would "sell the Capitalists the rope with which they would hang them". We are on schedule to not only hang the Infidels, but to fashion the rope from their own currency!
Detailed financial statements will be forwarded upon completion of our FY2009 Budget Reconciliation.
Allahu Akbar.
To: Certain Unnamed Leaders Of Al Qaeda
Subject: Annual Report For Certain Expenditures and Anticipated Returns for FY2010-2011
All praise to Allah The Merciful, and may his Blessings continue to flow upon us. Our strategy to bankrupt America continues to realize most excellent results, in no small part due to the gift that keeps on giving: The Democrat Party (may their infidel souls be to The Faithful as is Camel dung to the heel of the Dhimmi). May Allah sustain them through the 2010 Mid-term elections.
MILITARY EXPENDITURES
The Cost Per Kill ratio has improved dramatically from FY2008 to 2009. The cost to The Faithful to kill an American currently comes out to a mere $1.50 US currency, including the cost of explosives, salary, expenses and a nominal overhead. Of course, this figure is adjusted seasonally, and does not include the overtime demands of the Taliban, may they rot in a Christian prison. By comparison, The Crusaders currently spend $272 thousand to kill one of The Faithful, not including operating costs and overhead! A single Hellfire missile costs The Great Satan $68,000. Field reports indicate that the Infidels must fire four of Satan's Bullets to kill one of The Faithful. This is a GKRPD (gross kill ratio per dollar) of over 45,000 to 1. If we include the costs of the Predator Drone Per Kill Event ($1,250,000 per successful launch) and the infamous US Government overhead ($2,575,000 per launch), the GKRPD balloons to 2,731,000 to 1!
These figures have been verified by US Army Quartermasters including at least seven of The Faithful currently serving in their ranks, May They Avoid The Contamination of Unbelievers. If we sacrifice a mere 10,000 Holy Warriors yearly to The Cause, it will come at a cost over $41 billion US per annum to the Non-Believers, based on current exchange rates.
Surely even the Infidel cannot sustain such an expense!
PROSECUTION EXPENDITURES
Thanks to the efforts of US Attorney General Eric Holder (May the lowest of The Faithful drag his entrails through the offal of a cloven-hooved beast), trials for all of our Holy Warriors are now scheduled to be held in American civil courts. The Great Satan indicates that the initial cost to try five of the Faithful, including Khalid Sheik Mohammed, will be at a minimum $250 million US currency. That comes out to a staggering $50 million per defendant! The court-appointed attorneys (May they rot in the portion of Hell reserved for Infidel Lawyers) assure us that pre-trial motions, appeals, jury challenges and other jurisprudential trickery will at least double this cost!
Al Qaeda's outreach to The American Civil Liberties Union (May their Afterlife be the world they inflict on Others) has ensured an endless string of Amicus Briefs and Higher Court appeals involving the abuse of Habeas Corpus and the 1st and 6th amendments to the US Constitution which will result in additional overhead of 20% that will raise the cost of prosecuting one defendant to $120 Million.
If through our efforts (Allah Be Willing) we are able to impose a mere 1,000 Holy Warriors on the American justice system, the cost will be $120 Billion US per annum. Anticipating the success of our Program, your Humble Servant has notified our Patrons in Saudi Arabia to sell short on American stocks for FY2010, expand their positions on Commodities and then go long on mortgage-backed securities in FY2011. Allah be generous, by the 2012 election cycle, we shall be not only their Enemy but their Landlords as well!
With all blessings to the Faithful, it was the Communists (May they roast in the Hell they do not believe in) who declared they would "sell the Capitalists the rope with which they would hang them". We are on schedule to not only hang the Infidels, but to fashion the rope from their own currency!
Detailed financial statements will be forwarded upon completion of our FY2009 Budget Reconciliation.
Allahu Akbar.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Toyota Shoots Own Foot, Blames America
There are few things less reassuring in the world than the manner in which the US Government approved Toyota's plan to "replace defective gas pedals" for the ongoing problem that has decimated their sales and their reputation for quality. See, it's not really an Approval, per se; rather, the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) has "declined to protest" the proposed solution. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but nothing near the outraged rejection this so-called "solution" deserved. Of course, one must remember the heavy price federal employees might pay - much less politicians - if they piss off their paymasters at Japan, Inc.
Having grappled with thousands of complaints for over a decade, Toyota finally decided who it wanted to throw under the bus, singling out American parts supplier CTS Corp. as the source of the problem, and even going so far as to point out that they (Toyota) have had no similar problems with the gas pedals provided by another supplier out of Japan.
Except, of course, that their words and actions do not begin to address the problem, much less the solution. First, their diagnosis conflicts with all of the known facts, since the problem reported has not been a "sticky" gas pedal, but "Sudden Acceleration". As quoted in various articles: "Sudden-acceleration events in Toyota and Lexus vehicles have been blamed for at least 19 fatalities and 815 vehicle crashes since 1999". A sticking pedal doesn't begin to explain the phenomenon of "sudden acceleration".
Second, Toyota has had this problem going back to 1999, while CTS has been a provider of gas pedals only since 2005. Third, the problem has been reported over a broad range of Toyota vehicles (including Lexus) with gas pedals provided by other manufacturers, rather than the narrow CTS-centric range of recent models that Toyota would have you believe. Fourth, there have been other culprits for the problem identified in the past, most notably floor mats which allegedly rolled up against the gas pedal, causing the accelerator to be jammed. Unfortunately, once this issue was addressed, the problem didn't go away.
Finally and nonsensically, Toyota has decided to rely on CTS for the replacement pedals, which benefit from an extra "shim" to prevent the alleged buildup of condensation supposedly causing the problem. If CTS-manufactured gas pedals were the source of the problem, why rely on that company for a solution?
The "Sudden Acceleration" phenomenon has two parts: 1) the vehicle accelerates out of control; 2) the driver cannot regain control. No "sticky" gas pedal explains both of these problems, much less one of them. The only clear culprit in the phenomenon of Sudden Acceleration is more likely the Cruise Control system and related components. Like most auto manufacturers, Toyota employs an electronic alternative to the foot pedal that allows for acceleration either by means of a hand control or to "set" a particular cruising speed once the Cruise Control has been engaged. There is also an explicit electronic control between the brakes and the Cruise Control system.
Cruise Control malfunction would explain the phenomenon of Sudden Acceleration in the absence of any actions on the part of the driver to initiate the problem. It would also explain how it is that a driver might fail to be able to regain control of the vehicle by simply hitting the brakes or employing other preventive measures.
Toyota has stonewalled for a decade. First, they denied that there was ever a problem. Then they blamed floor mats, until they started killing their customers and were accused of a cover-up. Now they're on to something else, which also will not fix the problem. It's likely that the Cruise Control problem can be fixed with a software upgrade. Look for Toyota to announce one in the near future. It remains only to be seen if they can bring this upgrade off without destroying their Straw Man, the Gas Pedal from CTS.
OffHisMeds wonders if his Japanese-Car-Sycophant friends will connect the dots. Initial indications are not encouraging. In defense of Toyota, one of them recently gushed "my Toyota pickup has 170,000 miles on it!", as if no American pickup had never attained that mileage. Assuming that sheer intellectual laziness is typical of the American consumer, I suspect Toyota's attempts to blame America will inevitably succeed, and possibly even increase their market share.
Of course, they don't want to kill too many of their customers. Eventually, that will be bad for business.
Having grappled with thousands of complaints for over a decade, Toyota finally decided who it wanted to throw under the bus, singling out American parts supplier CTS Corp. as the source of the problem, and even going so far as to point out that they (Toyota) have had no similar problems with the gas pedals provided by another supplier out of Japan.
Except, of course, that their words and actions do not begin to address the problem, much less the solution. First, their diagnosis conflicts with all of the known facts, since the problem reported has not been a "sticky" gas pedal, but "Sudden Acceleration". As quoted in various articles: "Sudden-acceleration events in Toyota and Lexus vehicles have been blamed for at least 19 fatalities and 815 vehicle crashes since 1999". A sticking pedal doesn't begin to explain the phenomenon of "sudden acceleration".
Second, Toyota has had this problem going back to 1999, while CTS has been a provider of gas pedals only since 2005. Third, the problem has been reported over a broad range of Toyota vehicles (including Lexus) with gas pedals provided by other manufacturers, rather than the narrow CTS-centric range of recent models that Toyota would have you believe. Fourth, there have been other culprits for the problem identified in the past, most notably floor mats which allegedly rolled up against the gas pedal, causing the accelerator to be jammed. Unfortunately, once this issue was addressed, the problem didn't go away.
Finally and nonsensically, Toyota has decided to rely on CTS for the replacement pedals, which benefit from an extra "shim" to prevent the alleged buildup of condensation supposedly causing the problem. If CTS-manufactured gas pedals were the source of the problem, why rely on that company for a solution?
The "Sudden Acceleration" phenomenon has two parts: 1) the vehicle accelerates out of control; 2) the driver cannot regain control. No "sticky" gas pedal explains both of these problems, much less one of them. The only clear culprit in the phenomenon of Sudden Acceleration is more likely the Cruise Control system and related components. Like most auto manufacturers, Toyota employs an electronic alternative to the foot pedal that allows for acceleration either by means of a hand control or to "set" a particular cruising speed once the Cruise Control has been engaged. There is also an explicit electronic control between the brakes and the Cruise Control system.
Cruise Control malfunction would explain the phenomenon of Sudden Acceleration in the absence of any actions on the part of the driver to initiate the problem. It would also explain how it is that a driver might fail to be able to regain control of the vehicle by simply hitting the brakes or employing other preventive measures.
Toyota has stonewalled for a decade. First, they denied that there was ever a problem. Then they blamed floor mats, until they started killing their customers and were accused of a cover-up. Now they're on to something else, which also will not fix the problem. It's likely that the Cruise Control problem can be fixed with a software upgrade. Look for Toyota to announce one in the near future. It remains only to be seen if they can bring this upgrade off without destroying their Straw Man, the Gas Pedal from CTS.
OffHisMeds wonders if his Japanese-Car-Sycophant friends will connect the dots. Initial indications are not encouraging. In defense of Toyota, one of them recently gushed "my Toyota pickup has 170,000 miles on it!", as if no American pickup had never attained that mileage. Assuming that sheer intellectual laziness is typical of the American consumer, I suspect Toyota's attempts to blame America will inevitably succeed, and possibly even increase their market share.
Of course, they don't want to kill too many of their customers. Eventually, that will be bad for business.
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