Obama Puts Foot In Mouth, Then Speaks

Normally, it's Joe Biden's size ten tasseled loafers President Obama is having to munch on. This time, it was Barack's own exquisitely refined Italian jobs that he inserted so neatly into his own mouth.

Forcing myself to watch what was predictably going to be yet another exercise in Lefty Smashmouth politics, OffHisMeds nonetheless set the DVR to record "America's Got Talent", and settled down to watch President Obama's prime time address to Congress on Health Care. Since I'm a handicapping kind of guy, I predicted that Obama, despite the pre-speech noises about bipartisanship by his lapdogs in the Media, would go all Junkyard Dog on the Republican Party, blame them for all of his failures, and then whine about the lack of bipartisanship. I also predicted that, as has been the case in most of his public appearances, President Obama would run late, messing up my recording of "America's Got Talent".

It's too bad Las Vegas doesn't cover these kinds of bets. I was right on all counts. I would have cleaned up.

Sure enough, he showed up about seven minutes late, and made no effort to hurry along any of the preliminaries so as to allow me (and the rest of America) to stay on our TV viewing schedules. Working the aisle, wandering left and right, addressing various Democrat Swells and finally meandering up to the podium, Obama let wave after wave of tepid applause wash over him, clearly savoring the moment. It was jarring, in a way. Repubs stopped clapping shortly after his entry, and Democrats weren't exactly hailing the arrival of Caesar, if you know what I mean. Still Obama worked it, well beyond a point that even our previous Narcissist-In-Chief Bill Clinton would have done.

Then he spoke.

Despite actually using the word bipartisan several times, Obama's speech was a dreary call to arms to Democrats. He gave Republicans nothing. He threw them under the bus. He blamed them for everything. He groveled to the Left, begging them to stay on board. He lied repeatedly out of his well-groomed albeit moderately tobacco-stained piehole. For a change of pace, I would at various times shut off the sound and just watch him, and noted with interest that he reserved every raised eyebrow and finger wag for the Right side of the aisle. He magnanimously threw a few rhetorical bones to reliable turncoats like John McCain, but in so doing, made McCain and himself both look like fools, no mean trick. McCain returned the favor by giving him the old aviator Thumbs Up, a rictus-like smile frozen upon his face, and looking for all the world like a man desperately in need of a place to hide, up to and including his old cell at the Hanoi Hilton.

This modern version of a Great Communicator was anything but. Not only did his soaring rhetoric completely fail him, but he came across as a Harry Reid-like Partisan Hack, accusatory and paranoid, giving a speech normally reserved for The Daily Kos Faithful. His delivery was nasally; his eyes shifted left and right. Most telling of all, his head would turn beseechingly to the Democrat side of the aisle at the points where applause was expected, as if he half-expected that it would not come.

At one point, after insisting that his Universal Health Care plan would not change anybody's coverage nor cost any more money, Obama made the mistake of saying "now, I realize there are some details to be worked out". This caused a roar of laughter from the Republican side with more than a few Democrats joining in. Obama looked stunned. It was as if he only then realized that he wasn't just talking to a bunch of politicians, 60% of whom are Democrats, and another 39% of whom felt compelled by tradition to show the President some respect (Joe Wilson being the notable albeit feisty exception); he was speaking to the Congressional representatives of the American Electorate, and that Electorate was right there, hovering over their shoulders, watching and judging with a Gimlet Eye.

Bewildered by his inability to goad the pols into greater displays of enthusiasm, much less avoid the scorn of the Republicans, Obama lost it, and right there, he lost America.

Perhaps sensing that that portion of his speech might cause him some problems, Obama later conjured Teddy Kennedy from beyond the grave. That fell flat too. Apparently, somebody forgot to tell President Obama that Kennedy was hardly beloved by the American People when alive, and arguably no more so now that he's dead. But then, they were two peas in a pod. Teddy was the master at demonizing Republicans, and did it productively for many decades. Obama was merely taking a page out the same book, oblivious of the fact that Kennedy - for all his faults - was a master at this kind of thing, and used the tactic sparingly. Obama has beat that drum in seven months as much as Kennedy did since the Reagan era, and it has lost its effect.

As he eulogized Kennedy, I couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Americans were reminded that, if indeed President Obama held Kennedy in such high esteem, why it was that Obama couldn't be bothered to interrupt his vacation so as to attend the Viewing or the Internment at Arlington? The hypocrisy was stunning. Having failed so completely to fabricate a Virtuous Teddy, Obama, in his self-indulgence, was left Channeling only the real deal. The Teddy we all knew. The Bad Teddy; the Gluttonous Teddy; the Hyper-partisan Teddy.

Unlike Obama, that Teddy was a hands-on kind of guy, abusing decade's worth of congressional aides, pages, waitresses, hangers-on, subordinates, co-eds, constituents, passers-by and complete strangers. With the passage of time, this is the Teddy people came to know, and will eventually conflate with other notorious Gluttons of our Age. Was it Teddy who encased Han Solo in Carbonite, or was that another guy who simply looked and acted like him? Even as I write this, nobody is certain. What is certain is that this is the Gestalt that Obama so unwisely decided to tap into, thus inviting comparisons between the Tedster and himself. That isn't entirely fair to Obama. Like Kennedy, Obama is a Global Abuser, desiring to abuse Americans communally and incrementally on the sound theory that - in proper application - nobody will notice. Teddy also got off on abusing people individually, a slave to his craven physical needs, trousers unzipped as he lurched from victim to victim.

It's not clear that such behavior is in any sense Obama's style, although our knowledge of his personal predilictions is limited. What is clear is that despite the ample record (how many congressmen have a rap sheet?) he nonetheless saw fit to portray Teddy as a paragon of virtue so as to pimp out his memory to the benefit of Health Care reform. Karma alone dictates that such an astonishing lie should be rewarded with a comeuppance, and trust me, Obama's is coming.

After Obama's speech there was a pathetic rebuttal from some Republican who was "not only a Surgeon, but a member of Congress as well". Too bad he was not also a customer of the Hair Club For Men, Bally's Fitness and Darque Tan. Apparently, the Republican Party decided that they would counter our handsome, fit and photogenic President with the most chronically unattractive person on the planet. And as he nattered on about trivialities, I could only think that his Day Job must not have worked out. Why the Hell else would one give up the highest paying job in America in order to be a United States Congressman? This guy must really have sucked as a Surgeon.

Afterwards, I watched the recording for America's Got Talent, and sure enough, it cut off just as Piers, Sharon and The Hoff were about to announce the names of the semifinalists. Thanks for Effing Nothing, Barack Obama. I was disappointed, but no worries. They'll replay last night's episode tonight at 7:00 p.m.

And right there it hit me, how short a leash nitwits like Obama and John McCain are on with the American People. As politicians, they sweat bullets every time they pre-empt prime time television, knowing full well that they can only go to that well a tiny handful of times before the American people tune them out. Barack has been to the well. Repeatedly. The One just had his last prime time stab at selling us on Socialized Medicine, and without seeing the poll numbers or listening to any Talking Heads, I know he has failed. I also know that he has burned political capital like an arsonist.

The good news is that this Hump has profoundly misinterpreted the mood of the country, will fail at Health Care reform, and will be a one term president. We'll be suffering a hard three years in the interim, however.